I believe that children should have fun, but they also should be taught responsibility and independence. I believe that they should understand the value of a dollar. I believe that they should be held accountable for their actions, both good and bad. Co-parenting with someone who does not share the same ideals is difficult at best.
It angers me that someone is not willing/able to contribute to some of the school and extra-curricular activities that their children participate in. Don't get me wrong, I am MORE than happy to pay for anything and everything that my children need, whether their other parent contributes or not. However, when I am told that I have to pay for it all because they are broke, but they always have a cigarette in their hand, Nikes on their feet and Abercrombie on their clothes, I must admit, I get a little bit bent out of shape.
I struggle to teach my children to be happy and grateful with what they have, and for the most part I do a pretty darn good job at it. My children are not embarrassed to shop at Kmart and Walmart. However when one of the other parents insists on only name brand clothing and doesn't bat an eyelash at dropping $700 dollars at the mall, it makes my job difficult. A few weeks ago some sports clothes needed to be washed and I asked why his mom didn't wash them over the weekend like they are supposed to. The response: "We don't have enough money to do so much laundry." Said the kid who had on brand new Nikes, Abercrombie sweatshirt, $60 jeans and a $50 Phiten necklace. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!
I wonder if that same kid knows that I have loaned his other family hundreds of dollars over the past year. I wonder if he knows that I have made sure that BOTH of his houses had enough food in them to keep him fed. Probably not. He thinks I am mean because I don't believe in allowance for everyday things. I am not willing to pay him $20 per week for taking out the garbage. I am not willing to allow him to stay up as late as he wants on a school night. I am not willing to overlook when he doesn't do his required reading and homework for school.
I wonder if he realizes that I have never missed a sporting event of his, I have never missed a parent teacher conference, I wonder if he realizes that just about everything "extra" that he has gotten to participate in is because of me. I am sure that he has no idea that the reason I push him to be better is because I want him to have a fulfilled life. I want him to know how to take care of himself when I am not there. I want him to know how to operate a washing machine when he goes to college. I want him to know how to budget his money so that he never has to go without.
Being a step-parent is the hardest "job" I have ever had. I have all the emotions of a regular parent, all of the work of a regular parent, but none of the rewards. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I know that if I did, he would be floundering around with no sense of stability. I just hope that someday he will recognize how much I love him, how much I have sacrificed (just like with my "real" kids) to make a good life for him. Maybe someday when he has children of his own, it will dawn on him how great I really am, how much I really did.
Until then, I will continue to be the mean step-parent because it is the right thing to do.
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