Hi, my name is Danielle and my husband is an alcoholic. He has been drinking heavily for about the last 6 years. By heavy, I mean that he has been drinking 12-18 beers on a daily basis. I have made excushttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifes to make it seem okay: "At least he drinks at home and isn't at the bar." "He gets up and goes to work everyday." "He doesn't get physical with me or the kids." When the kids would ask why he wasn't at one of their functions, I would lie and say he wasn't feeling well.

Over the past year, I stopped making excuses. If the kids asked, I was honest. I was tired of covering up. I still loved him, but I wasn't "in love" anymore. The way he looked when he was passed out drunk made me want to vomit. The thought of having sex with him, disgusted me to the core. We had an incident in our home on Christmas and that was the last straw. I had threatened before, but I never really meant it. This time I did. The next morning when he was sober enough to listen to me I said, "You will check yourself into treatment by Friday or you will find a new place to live by Friday." For once, I didn't yell, I didn't cry, I didn't try to degrade him. I said it in a very calm, controlled voice, and I walked away.

Apparently he knew I meant it! He called me later that day and asked for the phone number to a local business that runs and i-patient program. He was signed up and living there by my deadline. He originally planned on doing a 10-day treatment, but 3 days in he decided to extend to the 21-day plan. At about day 18 he decided he wanted to continue after his in-patient program with day treatment. I don't think I have ever been so proud of him than I am at this moment. He is truly working his program. He is following the twelve step model and is eve interesting in going to church.

He is supposed to graduate from the in-patient portion of his program tomorrow. This event fills me with mixed emotions. I am so super excited that he will be home. I am excited to start our life fresh. I am excited to build our relationship, because we have started to flirt again. I am excited to watch his relationship with the kids bloom. I am scared that once the safety net of his in-patient program is gone, he will drink again. I am worried that his tools to stay sober won't be strong enough when something triggers him.

I have learned that I am not the one who made him drink and I cannot keep him from drinking in the future. I have learned that I need to own my emotions and that nothing he does ca make me mad; I choose that feeling. I will start attending Alanon meetings, and read ay literature I can get my hands on about Codependency and how to break the cycle. His disease has become my disease; we both have lots of healing to do and we will take it one day at a time.