So far so good!

Saturday will be a day for celebrating! It will mark my husband's 30 day mark of sobriety. I think he is pretty excited about it.

He is planning on going to an AA meeting that is supposed to be wonderful. There will be anywhere from 100-150 people there, and the speakers are supposed to be very inspiring. If it is similar to other AA meetings, he will get a 30 day coin. He said something last night that gave me more hope than almost anything he has said so far. "I will get my 30 day coin on Saturday at that meeting. I am going to have to get a piggy bank."

In the past when he has tried to quit drinking or slow down his drinking, he has always looked forward to his next celebration: Football, a raise, a picnic. And very quickly it would turn into a daily thing again. "I like the taste of beer." "I slept horrible last night, I need a 'few' beers to help me sleep tonight." Then he didn't offer excuses anymore. It was just who he was.

I didn't understand at the time that addiction is a disease. I would retreat into myself and wonder what was so bad about the kids and me that made him want to mentally take a vacation from us every night. I would try to make sure the house was spotless each night when he got home from work. Then I went in the other direction; I started to do nothing around the house in hopes that I might get a reaction out of him. That didn't work either. I am excited that he has finally gotten help for his disease.

I read a quote today that I thought was very fitting: "It's not your FAULT that you have developed depression or addiction or whatever else is trying to steal your life away. But it is your RESPONSIBILITY to save yourself. And you CAN!" Blaming him for his addiction or calling him weak because of it is the same as blaming someone for getting cancer. I feel terrible for degrading him and blaming him all of these years. I recently learned that when you get mad, it is really because you are scared. I thought about that for awhile and cannot think of a single example that disproves that. I have been scared that his addiction would take his life, I have been scared that his addiction would scar our children, I have been scared that his addiction would be forever.

We are reading a book called "You Can't Make Me Angry" by Dr. Paul O. I would suggest this book for anyone in recovery, anyone thinking about going into recovery and the spouses of these people. I got it off of Amazon.com for $10. This book will help you to own your feelings and not blame others.

Anyway, while I am excited for my husband to hit his 30 days, I am excited for day 28 and 29 also. I need to stop looking into the future and remember to take it "one day at a time."